also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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