My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
