I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
