well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
