1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
