for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
