Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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