there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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