Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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