dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
