I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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