I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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