how can u be prego again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
