never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
