Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
