it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How does one acquire holy water?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
