I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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