I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
