Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
