True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
