If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
farters have to be the big spoon...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
