did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
