just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
