i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
