I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
