i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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