Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
