just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
