I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
