She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Be still, my beating vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
