the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
