I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
