So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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