Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
