wrigley field is MILF paradise
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
