I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
