Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
