wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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