its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
