Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
