You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
