i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
