hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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