Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
