I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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