it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
