he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it glows. i had to have it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
