If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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