Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
