A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
