If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Randomize
