did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
