i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
