yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
