Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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