if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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